Develop Better Communication Skills in Marriage
Communication is a big word. We live in a society where communication sits right at our fingertips. We twitter, facebook, email and blog. We put it all out there for the world to see.
Have you ever wondered though if those who spend so much time communicating online are good communicators IRL (In Real Life)? I do. I’d say there are some who are good at both while others find a freedom online that they can’t experience in person because of anxiety or awkwardness.
Communication in marriage is hard. I suppose there are some marriages where communication comes easy and naturally. I would have to say in our marriage, that this is one area where Beloved and I struggle the most. It isn’t that we don’t want to talk to each other. It, in my opinion, stems from a couple of places that do not lead to healthy communication.
The first is fear. We want to carefully tread into areas of communication that may cause controversy because we don’t want to hurt each other’s feelings. That is a good thing and a bad thing. It’s good because we have so much love for each other that we want to treat each other’s hearts with gentleness. It’s bad because instead of telling each other what is bothering us, we let those little things fester in our hearts until they grow into anger which can lead to bitterness.
Beloved and I have occasional arguments, and even fights. Not the kind of fights where we hit each other, but fights with words.
Secondly, we hold back out of sheer selfishness on one or sometimes both of our parts. Selfishness is never good in any relationship. But, if I’m honest, and I try to be honest when sharing these marriage moments. More often than I like to admit, I find that sometimes my failure to communicate with him is because I selfishly want my own way and I don’t want to give into what he deems best for us or our family.
3 Tips to for Better Communication with Spouse
Communication Tip #1
Your spouse loves you and desires to help you to be happy, just say what you are thinking, in a kind and gentle way. Don’t hold back out of fear. You’ll be better off in the long run because you get it out. You both can assess it and lovingly reach a conclusion together. Chances are he will see it differently than you do anyway. That’s o.k. because as women we tend to overreact in these situations, where men tend to be more level headed.
Communication Tip #2
When you have allowed things to fester, and anger and bitterness have found a place in your heart for your dear one, go to him, tell him what you’ve been feeling, gently. Ask for his help for dealing with the problem. Ask forgiveness for any ill treatment that you have engaged in. Ask, God to forgive you for any hurt you may have caused and for His help in being able to communicate with your spouse. Determine in your heart to do better.
Communication Tip #3
Do not allow these feelings to carry you into another day. Before going to bed, talk about whatever is on your heart. Find peace with each other. Pray together. Sleep more peacefully and wake to a fresh day with no regrets.
“Therefore, putting away lying, “Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor,” for we are members of one another. “Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil.” Ephesiands 4:25-27.