A marriage relationship is a beautiful joining that offers companionship, love and support in ways no other institution can. But, that doesn’t mean it’s awlays easy, or that everything will always be sunshine and sweet treats. Through life you’ll be met with trials but with these 10 Ways to Build Trust in a Marriage Relationship you can rest assured that your working toward each other, rather than apart.
Marriage is intended to be built on love, trust, and companionship. Too often we enter holy matrimony because during those dating days we’re caught up in romantic feelings, physical attraction, and a need to be with someone who is interested in us.
But, once the ring is on the finger it’s easy to lose sight of long term goals. You can find yourself second guessing your relationship. And, before you know it, you can begin to distrust each other.
But, you don’t have to build your marriage on distrust. You can, at any time, choose to build trust in your marriage by setting and maintaining some good guidelines for your relationship.
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11 Ways to Build Trust in Your Marriage
Suspicion can begin to show itself when one of you begins to question what is the other one doing. When you begin questioning everything the other person does seeds of doubt are starting to form. When you worry they’ve been out too long, or coming home late from work you you may be thinking they’re doing something wrong.
To prevent this mindset, it’s good for both of you to develop predictable patterns of behavior. By, being consistent in what you do the other knows what to expect.
You can be both predictable and spontaneous too. From time to time, it’s more than OK to stop in on the way home and pick up your spouse’s favorite dessert to have with dinner. Or, perhaps, in the spur of the moment look at each other with a twinkle in the eye and say… “let’s go out for ice cream.”
The key is when you do feel a twinge of the unpredictable let it be focused on each other. But, in the day to day adventure that is life remember to be predictable in your schedules, your patterns of behavior and being true to who you are as a couple.
2 – Communicate
Over time changes happen. It’s simply a part of life for change to occur. When such things happen be open, and honest with each other about what is changing.
Perhaps, your work schedule is changing slightly, you have to start a little early, or stay a bit late. Discuss the changes and how it impacts your family and your relationship.
As you grow, and your likes and dislikes change, as your goals and hopes alter, share those mental decisions with your spouse. It’s always a good idea to share your heart with your beloved one. They too are changing and it’s a great idea from time to time to check in with each other and see what changes you are making individually.
Also, check in with each other on how you are changing as a couple. Set goals for your marriage, and work together to achieve those goals.
3 – Be Honest
There is no good that can come from dishonesty. When you’ve decided to work on changes in your own life, perhaps, you’ve decided to go to the gym once a week, be honest about your plans and follow through as you’ve stated.
Don’t say “I’m going to the gym.” and then spend the afternoon shopping for new clothes and never even drive by the gym.
Remember that dishonesty, breeds distrust. Even if it’s something small. So you will always do better and build a better, more trustful, relationship if you are honest.
If you head out intending to go to the gym and get distracted by shopping, be upfront and honest when you get home. “Honey, I left here intending to go to the gym and as I drove by the store they were having such a huge sale, I decided to see what I could get that could save us some money on clothes.” But, don’t let such things happen too often.
If you change your mind about going to the gym weekly. That’s OK too, just be sure to tell them you’ve changed your mind. It’s simply a matter of good, honest, communication.
Trust is built when you recognize that underneath the other person is seeking to be honest with you and they see that you are seeking to be honest with them.
4- Let Each Person Excel
Sometimes, we can get caught up in treating the other person in the relationship like a child. At times the husband treats the wife as if she’s incompetent, and other times the wife tries to “parent” her husband. Neither of these are good ideas.
Truth is, you are both adults. And, you each bring something unique to the marriage relationship.
You both need to believe that the other person is competent and capable of accomplishing the tasks they have to do. Isn’t it interesting that your spouse manages their work, without you? That’s because they are competent enough to manage their job. Isn’t it amazing that you can do your job without him? It’s because you are competent enough to manage.
Thus, in your marriage and in the roles you’ve each taken within that marriage relationship, you each need to let the other person behave competently and trust that the other one is going to do what they say.
5 – Do What You Say You Will Do
When you take on a role within the marriage, you need to follow through with what you say you will do. If you take on the role of managing finances, be responsible enough to manage them well. Don’t leave the other person doubting whether or not it will be done.
If you take on the role of lawn mower, be sure to mow the lawn in a regulary, and timely manner. The same is true for any household chore. You EACH have to follow through with the tasks you’ve committed to do.
There may be times when it’s not possible. And, it’s more than OK to ask for help from time to time, but overall, be responsible enough to manage the roles you’ve agreed to manage. Don’t cause undo worry or concern to your partner.
6 – Talk About Your Needs
Often, we bring history into our marriages. As we grow up we develop opinions, needs, and ideas about how a relationship should be. We set mental expectations for our spouse to fulfill. But, we most likely haven’t told them about these needs. They then fall into the trap of not meeting your mental expectations because they didn’t know you had them in the first place.
The same can be true for them as well. They have ideas of how they think you’ll fulfill their needs but maybe never told you what they expected.
If, however, you share your needs, you talk about your expectations you’ll both be better equipped to help each other fulfill any needs you may have.
7 – Avoid Sneaky Secrets
Keeping secrets from your dear one only elicits distrust. It’s better to open up and tell them your thoughts, feelings, concerns, and worries. It’s always better to tell them when you’ve messed up or failed at something.
When I say avoid sneaky secrets I’m talking about secrets that at their core are deceptive. If you have a problem spending too much money, and thinking you can hide it from your husband, that’s a sneaky secret. If you have a medical issue and are avoiding telling him or her, that’s a sneaky secret. These things always have a way of coming to light. Avoiding them, keeping them secret, only leads to distrust in your relationship.
You’ll only find yourself feeling guilty for keeping information from them. Having an open, and honest relationship means not hiding things. Because, let’s face it, if you can have sneaky secrets about such things… what else might you be hiding?
Now… that doesn’t mean you have to tell every single thing you know. In fact, my husband and I often find ourselves being confided in by other people. Sometimes, a co-worker of my husband will share a financial, medical, or other concern with him. Or, maybe a friend is having problems in her marriage and needs someone to confide in and relies on me to be a confidant.
My husband and I have an agreement that we can hear such things without the need to bare other people’s secrets to the other. I can say to him… “____ is having some problems they’ve confided in me, would you mind adding them to your prayers?” Or, he’ll tell me when someone confides in him but doesn’t tell me the details.
If at anytime if one of us feels that the burden of keeping someone else’s secret is too great, we ask permission from that person to share with our spouse only so we can pray about it together.
8 – Be Yourself
When you enter marriage it can be a bit tempting to mold yourself to fit their lifestyle. Or, they may become a quieter, more reserved person because they don’t want you to think less of them.
But, you both need to be yourselves. There is no way that two people can fully mold themselves to be someone they are not. And, you grew to love each other as you were. Trying to be different only leads you to distrust each other.
It’s just simple to live a life where you are honest with yourself and with your spouse.
9 – Say No
Saying “no” is not a bad thing. It sets boundaries. It sets limits on your time and helps you to develop a mutual respect for the other person.
While a marriage is a mutual relationship it is made up of two individual people. From time to time one or both people will do something hurtful to the other person. It might not be intentional, and they may not even be aware that what they are doing is hurtful. So, it’s up to you to say… “No, I don’t like when you do that.” It’s also OK to say, “No, I don’t have time to do that because…”
You have to have the self confidence to say what is right and needful for your physical, mental and even spiritual health.
And, in the same way, your spouse needs to be able to say “no” as well.
10 – Learn to be Neutral
From time to time one or both of you can express your emotions in a powerful way. Maybe it’s you crying over the kids fighting all day. Or, perhaps he’s angry about the neighbor’s dog using your yard as a bathroom. Whatever the emotional cause is, the resulting expression of emotions can be a powerful explosion of words.
It helps no one for the other spouse to explode as well. Rather, if one remains, calm, neutral the situation can often be diffused.
In fact, what will happen is the two of you will learn to trust that when you are emotional you can rely on the other person to hear your fears, worries, and concerns without an explosive response in return.
11 – Don’t Be Afraid of the Dirt
Relationships are hard. Sometimes there are difficulties that come through outside forces. Other times relationships are stretched from within. Marriage can be tried, tested, and put through fire again and again.
These tests can come from money struggles, relationships with in-laws, friends, or employers. And in the turmoil words can be said, fears can appear, and questions can arise.
Hiding worries, concerns, and questions can lead to distrust.
Regardless of what is causing the crisis in your marriage, you can’t be afraid of the dirt. Instead, you have to lay it all out on the table, talk about it openly, honestly, and work together to figure out the best possible way to resolve the situation.
In working together, facing the fear together you’ll discover a greater respect for each other and build a fort of trust that no one can ever break through.
Marriage is a joyful union of two hearts learning to work together to form a beautiful life. But marriage can be tough and trying at times. When you learn to work together, communicate together and work from a place of trust you will be able to face the storms of life unified and have a strong, healthy marriage.
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