Purposing Marrital Intimacy
It’s far too easy to get caught up in the day to day activities of our lives, especially, when we are homeschool mamas. From the time we wake we start the mommy process, morning hugs, making sure teeth get brushed, beds made, kids dressed, and then their is breakfast to pull together. Of course we have a timer (so to speak) going so that we get school started, field trips under our belts, co-ops, classes and errands run, all before rushing home to get dinner started so we can eat at a reasonable time. Then, it’s bath time, family devotional and bedtime. Just when you think, whew, It’s time to sit down for some relaxing couple time you realize that there is laundry to fold, dishes to wash and lessons to plan.
Wow that wears me out just thinking about it. How about you? And, it doesn’t even take into account our husband’s busy schedule.
Which leaves very little time for marital intimacy, doesn’t it? In order for you and your husband to connect in an intimate way you have to purpose to set aside time. It’s not easy, I know, but it is vitally important for the sanctity and well-being of your marriage.
On a side note, I don’t generally write about intimacy in my Marriage Moments. There is far too much sexual talk in our world, but rarely, do we find encouragement for the godly design for intimacy within our marriages. So for this marriage challenge I will be offering encouragement for married couples, in a godly relationship, to honor each other, their commitment and their vows by growing stronger in your intimate relationship.
- Intimacy is a noun with several different meanings; 1. intimate, 2. . 4. 5. 6. 7.
- According to the origins, that being Latin, it derives from the root meaing and
- In the Bible the word used to describe the physical relationship between a husband and a wife is, knew, Genesis 4:17, meaning to know someone fully, specifically physically, as in a sexual relationship.
As you can see intimacy is more than just a physical relationship. It is a sharing of each other, growing familiar with, being affectionate together and having a loving personal relationship. Which, for married couples must also include a sexual relationship.
“Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” 1 Corinthians 7:3-5
But how? With all of the busy-ness of our lives, how do we manage to not allow our intimate, affectionate relationship to get cast aside?
Purposing Intimacy with Intention
The answer is, purposing to do so. If something is important enough to us we will commit to it, even set aside specific time. So why not our intimate relationship with our spouse?
Today, you are going to set down and make a plan. It’s time for you to be purposeful in your relationship with your husband. It might seem a bit awkward at first but think of it like you you would if you were planning a date. You could even think of it as a date, but it is a date with purpose. Of course, I think it’s important to spend time with your man, one on one, to talk and reconnect, that too is part of intimacy. This date, however, your goal is to build a slow excitement and for both you and your husband to grow closer together in both affection and physical intimacy.
I’m offering you suggestions, but you choose what works best for you and your husband.
- Choose a Date.
- Be sure that your date is a day when your husband is not scheduled to work.
- Get a Sitter who is willing to keep your kids for a minimum of 25 hours.
- This allows for 1/2 hour to drop off and 1/2 hour to pick up. Your goal is to get a complete 24 hour time period alone with your husband.
- Book a Room – yes, because getting and staying out of you home means you can focus on each other. If you stay at home you are more likely to throw a load of clothes in the washer, or answer the phone.
- Make a reservation at a Bed & Breakfast.
- Call the local historical hotel doubles as a restaurant.
- Choose a fancy dancy hotel in the center of the nearest city.
- Or choose a hotel that fits your budget best.
- Now comes the fun part, planning.Think about what it is that draws you to your spouse, build a date that allows you to receive the affection that you need, but also will lead to a nigh together where you focus entirely on each other. Here are some ideas.
- Date that begins in the morning (like a Saturday).
- Build an experience, think in parts. Think of something fun and adventurous, like maybe mini-golf, a game room, or even zip-lining, then grab a satisfying lunch, something yummy but not too complicated. Follow that up with another fun activity, could be a movie, a geocaching adventure, or it could be a helicopter ride over the city. Then, you could subtly suggest stopping at a hotel for a quick shower before dinner. He’ll laugh, but you’ll be serious. Drive up, check in, grab a shower and then dress for a fantastic night out.
- Date that begins in early evening. Dress at home and be prepared when he gets home, or you pick him up, (think ahead about what his needs for going out might be). Start with something fun, a game room, mini-golf, dessert first, drive-in movie. After that, take him to the restaurant in town, or maybe mix it up and grab burgers dressed up all fancy, perhaps later a stroll in the local park around the lake followed by your night at the hotel. Next morning… Sleep in! Late! Then a nice brunch. One more quick adventure, perhaps a ropes course, or rock climbing at the gym.
- Date that begins in the morning (like a Saturday).
- Invite your man. You can be as fancy with your invitation as you want.
- A nice printed invitation sent to his work address. (This is sure to cause him to be excited.)
- Leave a note on the mirror with simple instructions on what time and where you want to meet up.
- Call him up and let him know you are picking him up from work for a nice surprise.
- You could even send him a text, however I caution you to think carefully about the words you use to peak his interest.
- As the day approaches, make sure you have anything you need to fulfill your date.
- Pack a bag, toothbrush, deodorant, etc.
- Pack your kids bags (if they are leaving home).
- Get a thank you gift for your sitter, some chocolate comes to mind.
- If you need something specific for your date, go ahead and get it.
- When the day arrives, depending on your planned schedule, dress pretty.
- By this I mean whatever it is that your husband thinks looks pretty. It might be jeans and one of his dress shirts. Or it might be a pretty dress with heels. Your goal is to catch his eye.
- Hold hands, sit close at dinner, stroke his arm, snuggle in when he drapes his arm around your neck.
- Listen intently to his conversation, looking deep into his eyes.
- The rest is up to you, remember your plan, or be spontaneous if it feels like it’s a better option, but remember your goal, to focus on intimacy between the two of you.
What do you think? Are you up for planning the time of your married life? Ready to go all in and share a beautiful 24 hours with your man? It may seem silly. It might seem as if it’s unnecessary but what I’ve discovered is that when I plan big dates, big adventures for my Beloved and I, we grow stronger in other aspects of our marriage.
Once you reconnect in this way, you have to keep going. I’m not saying that you have to go epic every-time. I am saying that you can be purposeful in structuring your week so that you are not neglecting this important aspect of your marriage.
Join me for this 5 Day Marriage Challenge: to Win the Love of his Heart, Again.
That wraps it up for this 5 Day Marriage Challenge. Remember, you can start it at your convenience and work it at your own pace if that works best for you. I’d love to hear from you. Drop me a comment and let me know what’s working for you, what’s not, or if you have questions, need ideas or have ideas to share with me.
May you be blessed with a peaceful marriage.
This post series is a part of iHomeschool Network’s Summer Hopscotch.
** Collins English Dictionary – Complete & Unabridged 2012 Digital Edition
© William Collins Sons & Co. Ltd. 1979, 1986 © HarperCollins
Publishers 1998, 2000, 2003, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2009, 2012