Marriage Moment: When Your Husband is a Loner

Tips for Wives to Bring Him Out of His Shell

My Beloved can be a bit of a loner. (Honey, if your reading this, sorry, but it is true). So what’s an extrovert like me doing with an introvert like him? Ah, Love, who can guess it?

What’s a girl to do when she needs attention from her man and he wants to be left alone. Well for me… I started a blog. Just kidding, only slightly.

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When Your Husband is a Loner | Renée at Great Peace #marriage #marriagemoment #ilovemyhusband

But, what is a girl to do when her husbands a loner?

5 Tips for Helping Your Loner Husband Come Out of His Shell

    1. Well the first thing she has to do is to tell him she needs to spend time with him. Open and honest communication is always best in marriage. Remember ladies, he can’t read your mind. I know, shocking right? If you want him to know what you are thinking then you have to tell him. Your husband loves you and wants to please you, but often doesn’t know the right time or the right way to do this, so you have to share with him the things that you need and that includes the times when you need to spend time with him.
    2. Do something special for him. I don’t mean something for the 2 of you. I mean, do something that is totally for him. Let him know you are thinking about him and want to make him feel special. Perhaps it’s a gift that he’s been eyeing for a while. Perhaps it is a ticket to a sporting event, or 2, for he and a friend. Send a bag of M&M’s to him at work. The goal is to show him you care for him. In return you may find that he takes notice of you again.

  1. Don’t hog all of his time. This is the hardest for me. I want to spend as much time as I can with Beloved. But, I know that he needs time alone. I know that sometimes he just needs to go into his own space, do his own thing, and not be bothered. I try, really I do. But then again, sometimes I sneak in just to give him a kiss, then I leave again.
  2. Schedule time for him and the children to have time together away from you. Remember that dad’s need to develop relationships with their children also. Let him take your daughter on a date. Book him tickets to your son’s favorite motor sport. Send all of them to dinner without you. Order a pizza and you leave the house and remind him that this is their time to bond. Otherwise, you’ll come home and find they’ve gone to separate corners.
  3. Don’t let him get into such an introverted place that he loses himself there for weeks or even months on end. This can happen. But remember, you are his wife. You were made to be his help-mate. This is an area where he will need your help the most. God never intended for humans to be alone. He created woman specifically for the man so that he wouldn’t be alone. Being alone too much leads to depression. We’ve seen this over and over again in our society.

If the time comes when you look around and realize you haven’t really talked to your man, or you haven’t spent very much time together. Or, perhaps you haven’t seen his face in a few days, (GASP). Then it’s time to make some plans.

Plans for Helping Your Loner to Get Out of His Shell

When Your Husband is a Loner | Renée at Great Peace

 

  • Get out your calendar, call a sitter and schedule a date night.
  • Make a special dinner, for the entire family, one that requires real plates and silverware.
  • Have a game night, either just the 2 of you or for the family.  
  • Invite a friend couple over for a meal. 
  • Book a golf outing for he and a buddy.
The goal with these options is not so that you will become his only focus. Rather, it is to help pull him out of his introverted funk and get him back to communicating with others.
 
 If you have a husband who isn’t an introvert, then perhaps you won’t understand these options.
 
But if you are like me and need to see more of your man when he get’s in his “loner” phase. It’s up to you to help him see that life outside of his introverted self looks pretty good.
 



 Want more help for your marriage? Try these books:
You’re Singing My Song – Glen & Cindy Colley

52 Ways to Wow Your Husband – Pam Farrell

Bringing Out the Best in Your Husband – H. Norman Wright

 

 
When He's a Loner: Marriage Moment by Renée at Great Peace Academy
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Author: Renee

Renee is Christian, wife, mom, author, and blogger. On her blog, you'll find encouragement for helping you to seek a life of peace, discussions about family, marriage, homeschooling, and gifted education. These discussions center around seeking and finding peace through Biblical guidance and patterning life after God's design for marriage.

8 Replies to “Marriage Moment: When Your Husband is a Loner

  1. This is all making things much worse for the wife. Sure she can can plan everything and do everything to keep a social relationship with friends etc. But, at the end of the day, she’s with a man who cannot be assertive, loving, or caring towards her. There no intimacy, he does nothing to care or help her, everything is for himself. As if she doesn’t matter. She will have a very lonely life. I know, this wife is me 39 years later…..feeling completely alone.

    1. Rg, I’m sorry that has been your experience. I’ve shared tips that HAVE worked for me in my 25 years of marriage. And, my husband, while he still sometimes draws away to be alone, is quite attentive to our marriage and family at other times. For us, it’s been a slow process but I’ve found consistency on my part and prayer for his heart and mine to be valuable in helping to get through this difficulty.

  2. Let’s make the rejected emotionally starved wife do all the work to get him involved. Putting her into the mother mode is not going to make him more available. I know. After 40 years of doing all the work, I now have a retired loner who watches TV all day. I am emotionally starved and worn out. You can’t make him be what he can’t be.

    1. I think you are projecting your experience upon my words. Trust me, I don’t mother my husband. In fact, we’ve developed a wonderful relationship. He respects me, and seeks to honor me, and I seek to honor and respect him. Yet, there are many times when he needs time alone. And, out of respect for him, I let him have the time he needs. We have to communicate with our spouses. They can’t just know what we are feeling, we have to share our hearts with them. I’m sorry your experience isn’t what you want it to be. I never said you can make him something he isn’t. Nor do I believe you can. Quite the opposite actually. What I do know is that you can’t change others, but, you can change how you react to and treat the other person.

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