5 Things To DO when you are Married to a Loner

When you are an extrovert married to a loner, you may find it difficult to navigate together through life. The truth is though, the match up of these different personalities can be an incredibly positive thing as long as you are communicating and taking the right steps to accommodate each other’s very different traits, and take time out for yourself. 

5 Things To DO When Married to A Loner Husband | Renée at Great Peace #marriagemoments #marriage #peacefulmarriage #ihsnet

Being married to a loner doesn’t have to be a bad thing! I know it can seem so lonely at time. And there may be days when you can’t wait for him to get home and just sit and talk to you, or hold hands while you watch TV. But, when he does he just wants to be alone. 

And, let’s be honest, inside you feel a bit crushed. Over time it can seem like you are in your marriage all alone. 

Let me say it again… being married to a loner doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

But it will require that you both work together to figure out how to meet both of your needs. And, you do BOTH have needs. You need time and attention, he needs time and solitude.

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When you communicate with each other about both sides you’ll find that you will both be better equipped to handle your marriage together. 

5 Must Do Things When Married to A Loner

1. Build Great Relationships with Friends

If you are an extrovert married to a loner, you may find yourself becoming frustrated with social interactions. This is because in order for your loner spouse to participate it can take a lot out of them.

This doesn’t mean, however, that you need to be secluded and doomed to life indoors. In fact, building great relationships with friends can help you to get the social interaction you so desperately crave without having to attempt to convince your loner spouse to leave the house. 

2. Schedule Regular Date Nights 

While your loner spouse may not like going out often as it drains their energy, regular date nights are important. Many are under the impression that date nights have to revolve around big in town events or crowded and busy restaurants, this is incredibly untrue.

There are several low key date nights that can satisfy both extroverts and loners, and they tend to be far more romantic. Plan loner friendly date nights as often as possible to strengthen your bond. 

3. Set Up Times to Communicate 

When you’re married to a loner, it is important to communicate frequently. A great way to communicate with your loner spouse is to ensure that you set up times to discuss important issues that can impact your family.

Whether you need to discuss finances, household needs, automotive upkeep or more, it is important to set time together to talk about these things. This will allow your loner spouse to prepare for those communications.

4. Do Your Best to Understand Them

Remember, you chose to marry a loner so it is important to take the steps to understand them. Take the time to be supportive and understand their views. It is important to always remember that your loner spouse isn’t going to have the same thought process as you, especially if you are an extrovert.

Never read into your loner spouses anticipation or lack thereof when it comes to certain events, chances are they will come around to things as long as you are understanding of their needs. 

5. Value and Love Them For Who They Are

You have to love and value your loner spouse for who they are. This is critical to your relationship. You can’t try to change your loner husband, and while you may feel secluded sometimes, this is where communication comes in.

Give your partner the time to recharge, and spend time alone, let them be who they are. This will add value to your relationship and change the way you interact. It also makes those times when you can be together even more special. 

Being an extrovert married to a loner can be an incredibly difficult experience if you don’t navigate it properly. When treated properly, this relationship can flourish based on your differences, rather than fall apart because of them.

In order to stay happy in your marriage it is important that you…

  • build great relationships with friends,
  • schedule regular date nights,
  • set up times to communicate,
  • try to truly understand them
  • and love and value them for who they are.

Your marriage will be stronger than ever, and you will avoid feeling loneliness due to a lack of communication. Remember, being married to a loner doesn’t have to mean that you are lonely. 

What do you do to take care of yourself when your husband needs time to himself? Tell me in the comments below. 



Want more tips on having a peaceful marriage? See these related posts. 


5 Things To DO when you are Married to a Loner

2 Replies to “5 Things To DO when you are Married to a Loner

  1. Thank you for a very helpful, clear, short, doable list! A great help to a retired wife, nearly 80, whose benevolent loner husband is gradually becoming more and more of a loner over 80! Which is not a good plan at that age.
    I think the suggestion of giving notice of talking sessions is the best of all, because ad hoc communication (natural to an extrovert) doesn’t work well at all. It seems so formal to need a time and an agenda for home life, but actually it does help.

    1. Judy! I’m so with you!!! It seems unnatural to have a formal time to talk in your home life, for those of us who are extroverts. But, I agree it works well when you let them know that you’d like to talk. Glad you found something helpful for you in this time of your marriage.

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