10 Things to NOT Do When Your Husband is a Loner

When your husband is a loner, you may find yourself struggling with certain situations. From social gatherings to your own personal needs, it isn’t uncommon to feel frustrated as you attempt to navigate your marriage.

10 Things to Not Do When Your Husband is a Loner | Renée at Great Peace #marriagemoments #marriage #husbands #wives #lonerhusbands

The truth is though, your loner husband may also be feeling a little lost, especially when you try to force certain issues. 

There are some things not to do when your husband is a loner. Avoiding doing these things will make your marriage that much easier for both of you to navigate.

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What NOT to do When Your Husband is a Loner

Your husband needs you to be his companion, not his mother. He needs you to be his lover, not a nag. He needs you to try to understand him and to find common ground. But, he doesn’t need you to be demanding. He doesn’t need you to overwhelm him by placing expectations upon him that are unrealistic. 

Discover 100 Proven Ways to Have a Stronger Marriage

Here are 10 things that you should not do when your husband is a loner.

1- Don’t force them into situations where small talk is required.

If your husband is a loner, it can be almost unbearable for them to engage in small talk with a stranger. This can be incredibly draining. When you are in social settings, rather than putting them in situations where small talk is required, be by their side to rescue them from unnecessary banter.

2- Don’t make them be the leader of social situations.

While loners require social interaction occasionally, they need to make sure they are prepared for social events. When attending social events, never expect your loner husband to take the lead.

If you are the extrovert in the family then be the social butterfly in social settings. He’ll thrill to watch you as you flit about the room enjoying the company of others. And, you’ll know that he’s with you as your strong, though silent, man.

3- Don’t avoid discussions

Your loner husband may not be a fan of small talk, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t interested in deep conversation with you. Never avoid discussing things you’re passionate about with your loner husband. .

Though he may be a loner, he chose to be married to you. That means he finds you fascinating. He may not have a lot to say, but he’s probably a really great listener.

4- Don’t take away their alone time

When your husband needs to be alone you must accommodate that rather than intrude on his alone time. This alone time is how he recharges and refreshes. 

5- Don’t allow him to sink into his alone time

While you must allow your loner husband to recharge with his alone time, don’t let him sink into an introverted state for long periods of time. Depression is far too prevalent in our society, so keep a close eye on how long he takes to recharge. 

Slowly, reengage him. Maybe it would be a simple date night, or a family movie night.

6- Don’t force his opinion

When your husband is a loner, it may be difficult for him to express his opinions on things. Especially around people he doesn’t trust. Never force him to express his opinion, especially in social situations.

But, that doesn’t mean you can’t ask him for his opinion. Simply share your thoughts, questions, concerns. Explain you’d like to hear his thoughts on the subject, and then wait for his response. Let him have time to think, and accept it if he really is neutral on the topic. 

7- Don’t write him off as boring

Everyone is different and while your loner husband may not enjoy social situations as much as you do, that doesn’t make him boring. That makes him himself.

8- Don’t make excuses for him

While you may feel that having excuses for your loner husband’s behavior, and providing them to others helps, it doesn’t. Never make excuses for him, that’s not your responsibility.

9- Don’t assume he can’t socialize

Being a loner, doesn’t mean that your husband needs to be isolated all the time. Sometimes in fact, he requires to get out and about. Never isolate him because you believe that’s what he needs. Let him make those choices on his own.

10- Don’t be mad at him for being a loner

Your husband is a loner. This isn’t a choice, it’s who he is. And, there was/is something about him that drew you to him in the first place.

Remember all the reasons why you wanted to marry him in the first place. Find that common ground and show the love you profess to him. And, be sure to let him know how much you love him. 


When your husband is a loner, you may find yourself struggling with how to handle things.

The truth is, as long as you avoid doing a few simple things, you will be working together as a team towards marriage success.

 

 

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Author: Renee

Renee is Christian, wife, mom, author, and blogger. On her blog, you'll find encouragement for helping you to seek a life of peace, discussions about family, marriage, homeschooling, and gifted education. These discussions center around seeking and finding peace through Biblical guidance and patterning life after God's design for marriage.

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