Marriage Moment: Contentious Women

Honor Him with Your Mouth

Did you know that men are different than women? That’s just logical right? Well yes, but we forget this when it comes to how we process information. As women we want to examine things, turn them over in our minds and look at them from every angle. Then, once we do that we want to talk about it with someone else, look at it from their angles and see if perhaps they see things differently than we do. Best girlfriends are great for allowing each other to do just this. Husbands on the other hand, are not.

Yes, I know our husbands are and should be our BEST friend. But it’s o.k. to have a best girlfriend too. In my opinion it’s super necessary in order for you to have a happy and successful marriage. Because it is through our best girlfriends that we can do what is in our nature to do, examine and turn around all of those things that weigh down our minds, both the good and bad things. That does NOT mean I am telling you to use your best girlfriend as an outlet to husband bash. Even with her, you should honor him with your mouth. However bouncing these female oriented internal struggles off of her is a good way to vent in a safe and understanding environment.

Our husbands on the other hand are not the ones that we should always do this with. Husbands, I do generalize here, tend to think more linearly. They hear something, give it a brief analysis and then determine what they think and how they feel about it and then move on. If necessary they make a decision and stick with it putting far behind them the overall stuff that we as women engage in when we consider stuff. We second guess decisions, we revisit them often and we even pick up our decisions again and make new ones.

When we as women approach our husbands to analyze something that is on our minds, we are asking them to attempt to step into our way of thinking. Our husbands are men. They simply don’t think and process the same way that we do. When we continue to share over and over and over, I fear we become quite annoying to our husbands who just want to move on. If the issue being discussed is something that is a problem to us, then the man’s “Fix It” mode kicks in. Many times these ramblings of the mind are from our own self-created or self-perceived problems and therefore there really isnt’ a “Fix” to the problem. We as women just need to muse over it for a while.

A loving husband will listen to his wife. He will participate in conversation with her that engages whatever type of conversation she needs. He knows that you are different than him. He wants to lovingly tend to your heart because he loves you.

Yet, I want to caution you that when you give in to your need to share with him one of these many ramblings, proceed with caution. First, tell him up front “This isn’t a problem I need you to fix, I just want to share it with you.” Second, let him know that you want some give and take on the issue but that in no way means that you will always agree with his opinion. Again, here I am only referencing those female mindful ramblings of our own makings, not those that directly affect your relationship with him or your family.  Finally, be careful not to become contentious in the repetitive argument with him of something that he may just find to be, well frankly, meaningless. To YOU it is very meaningful in the time that you are dwelling on it, but often for him these type of mental struggles that you deal with on a daily basis are just meaningless. Sorry ladies, but it is true. Or, perhaps I’m generalizing again.

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