In today’s Marriage Challenge we’re going to focus on what we say with our mouth. The mouth can be used for good, or it can destroy relationships. In your marriage, it’s best to be careful about what you speak.
Do you remember the old children’s song Oh be careful little eyes? One of the verses in that song is Oh be careful little mouth what you say. That song reminds me so often to bite my tongue.
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In America we have the freedom of speech granting us the right to say what we think, feel, or opine. But should we?
For “He who would love life And see good days, Let him refrain his tongue from evil, And his lips from speaking deceit.” 1 Peter 3:10.
You’ve heard it said, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
Sometimes those old sayings are right. Walking around with an haughty or discontent spirit can lead to an unpleasant existence, when mama ain’t happy, nobody’s happy.
Dear ladies, as you read this I know that in your heart you don’t want this to be the heart you present to your husbands. I’m not saying that this is true of each of the women reading this post. But, I’ve been around enough, married long enough and seen enough to know that many women are discontent with their lives.
If we want to truly love our husbands, we need to learn to find contentment, Philippians 4:8, and live at peace as much as we are able, Romans 12:18.
They say that actions speak louder than words. When we learn to hold our tongues and rather listen we show the other person that we care about them. When we let our actions speak for what is in our hearts, we exemplify Christ to those we love the most. James 1:19,20.
“My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth.” 1 John 3:18.
In our relationships, especially with the one we committed to love until parted by death, we often become lax with what we speak. It’s easy to share the thoughts of our hearts/minds/souls with our closest mate. It’s also very natural and right for our closest mate to be our spouse. But we need to learn to speak with caution, remembering that the tongue is a small part of the body, yet it is very powerful.
“And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire by hell.” James 3:6.
5 Areas in Marriage to Be Careful with your Mouth
1. Are you a nagging wife?
Nagging comes so easily. It is born of discontent. If you look around at your life and find that you aren’t content with your home, lifestyle, your car, or whatever, it’s easy to fall into the trap of expecting your husband to fix it.
This is especially true because they generally want to fix it. But sometimes, it’s not in their power to do so. Nagging him about the trappings of life, will only make for trouble between the two of you.
“A continual dripping on a very rainy day And a contentious woman are alike;” Proverbs 27:15
Instead, share with him your concerns, gently. Offer him suggestions, but then back off. Chances are you married a smart man. Know that he loves you and wants the best for you. If it is at all within his ability to do so, he will.
2. Do you forget yourself when you blabber on about problems or other people?
As women we like details. The more details the better. We want to know the why, the how, the who. We want to turn a situation over and over and examine it from all sides.
We want to share our thoughts about that with someone else, because if we let it dwell within the confines of our own heads it will drive us mad.
“It is better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, Than in a house shared with a contentious woman.” Proverbs 25:24.
We also have a tendency to forget about that issue, trouble or struggle after some time. But, what are we doing? We are leaving our dear husbands with an impression of other people which may not be right.
Men are, generally, linear thinkers. They see point a. and point z. They don’t see that for us, the line is jumbled like a ball of twine, crossing over itself again and again.
As such, our men, may hear what we speak of others, draw a linear conclusion, and forevermore have negative thoughts about the people we’ve mentioned. Use caution when speaking of others.
Remember that no one is perfect, not even you. When you choose to share something of importance with your beloved spouse, be considerate of how he may perceive that person and perhaps you can approach the discussion in a gentler more loving way, to both he and others you might want to speak about.
3. Don’t be Quarrelsome.
You know the type. That woman who is never happy. The one who will argue about whether or not coal is black or dark gray. The one who will do the opposite of what her husband asks, just because he asked.
Have you met her? The one who is bound and determined that she is her own woman, and while she enjoys being married for the sake of marriage, the reality is she doesn’t want to submit to her husband as an authority.
She’ll never submit, because she doesn’t need to. She is doing just fine.
“A foolish woman is clamorous; She is simple, and knows nothing.” Proverbs 9:13.
Ah. But is she really? What really happens is she is either very unhappy always struggling to be right, or she’s spending all of her time subjugating her husband and making him feel inferior to her.
Either way, peace cannot reside in the midst of a quarrelsome heart.
Be careful… look within. Ask yourself if you are quarrelsome. Ask yourself if you truly listen to him, his ideas, and opinions.
Ask yourself if you seek to honor him above yourself. Don’t be quarrelsome, it’s not pleasant for anyone.
4. Watch your Language.
Oh, we live in a society that is becoming quite vulgar. That freedom of speech, well it’s made it difficult to be in public hasn’t it? We are surrounded by cursing, swearing, using the Lord’s name in vain, and sexual speech at every turn.
Whether we intend for it to happen or not, sometimes that language can creep into our homes, inside our families, into our very own mouths.
Vulgar language isn’t pleasant. It’s just not. If you want to remain a lady in the eyes of your husband, watch your language.
Also, honesty is the best policy. Finding yourself lying to your husband, about anything, is only building a wall between yourself and him. It can happen in a moment, but the long-term affects of having a lying tongue will lead you down a road of destruction.
It starts small, but before you know it, a web of deceit is found lying between you and the one you love. Trying to find your way back might end up to be seemingly impossible.
5. Be careful to Use Words to Build Him Up, not Tear Him Down.
Your husband needs positive affirmation. He need you to be his biggest cheerleader, even in times when you are worried. He needs to hear from you that you love him, and trust that he will take care of you.
He needs to know that you respect him and support what he does for you and your family. He needs you to build up his ego in the midst of a world bent on tearing it down.
Be careful that you aren’t tearing him down as well. This goes back to the nagging, but, it needs to be reiterated.
Marriage is not about selfishness or you being right and him being wrong. It is about loving, honoring him above yourself and he loving and honoring you above himself.
When you are both working to honor the other, they you find a compatible relationship that can withstand any storm.
“If anyone among you thinks he is religious, and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this one’s religion is useless.” James 1:26